The Truth Inside

I recalled for some strange reason this day.
She laced up her red Nike sneaks and prepared for her routine walk. It was a stifling June day. Nothing particularly exciting about it, but there was something I was forgetting. I was compelled to want to join her in her adventure around the neighborhood we had called home for so long. We were growing closer as the time passed, but as moments fleeted her life shortend.
“It’s so beautiful” she said.
“You could find beauty in anything. Even the saddest and most depressing of things,” I replied.
We walked further on as I huffed and puffed after only a few minutes in the hot sun.
“I’m glad we have this time to talk. I’ve been doing some thinking, and I feel your old enough to know what all the fighting is about.” She took a brief moment and continued on looking quite serious and conflicted. “As you know I am considering moving out on my own. However, after much thought I have decided that it isn’t possible at the moment.” She took a breath.
And I took one as well.
“I’ve suppressed so much for so long…” she continued,” and the truth is your father and I have had problems since you were young. He was unfaithful, had a drinking problem, and was mentally abusive.”
This time it was me who had stopped her. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, or maybe it was that I didn’t want to believe it. But I resolved to let her unburden herself because I loved her more than anyone else in the world.
“I never let it show to you or anyone else because I felt like a failure, and couldn’t let you be hurt. I love your father dearly, but my life grows shorter each day. I have had a lot of life, and I want to start living. I can’t afford to live on my own, and I’m telling all this to you because I cannot afford to have you make the same mistakes I did.”
I was thinking that it wouldn’t happen to me, and now I know I was naïve. I also was mad at my father for putting my mother through this, but I was even madder at myself for not hating him and disowning him. He was my father.
She continued. “Don’t ever rely on anyone for anything. Be yourself whoever that maybe at any given time. Value yourself.”
She handed me a note which I was instructed to read when the time was right.
Later that day I recalled it was her birthday.
7 months passed…nearing the end
Screaming had erupted, and I flew down the stairs alarmed by what I was hearing.
The words inconsequential, but the consequenses more devastating then intended. I spoke louder than I had ever spoken before not in tone but in meaning. I hurt the one I loved, and had seen the one I beloved destroyed. My father angered at his helplessness lashed out at his partner, and my mother unable to defend her honor had given up and died that day.
I went to her side and said, “You look beautiful”
She mumurred,”You could find beauty in anything. Even the saddest and most depressing of things.”
I recited to her the note, “Just a note stating how much I LOVE You and how very proud I am of you. I want you to be happy and have piece of mind as you journey through your life. Don’t take life too seriously. Enjoy it and savor it. No this is not my last letter to you-I want you to know that today is not “just another day”. It’s a special one as you are to me! With all my love.”
I held her hand and we needn’t say anything more. We learned together what love was, and I forgave my father and let my mother have peace.