“I see that your scars not only mark a cut, they commemorate a joining.” They will always be there with me forever. From the moment I made them until the day I forget them. But healed they are, and whole I am. Just like every hurt that will heal and make me stronger…I will internalize, but always show my scar, my pride, my battle wound. I am living. I am ALIVE. "She felt that she could help a lot of people and she could give a lot of people inspiration, courage and hope, that’s why she did the documentary and that's why she started the foundation."
“I am a monster, because I am a multiple, and because I am a mixture.” No one understands. No one chooses to see deeper under the layers. I am many, but all in one. I will not live in the spiral of silence. I will grow and leave the growing skeptism behind. “Strong negative feedbacks with soil-borne pathogens prevent rare tree species from becoming abundant.”
"I am buried here. You can resurrect me but only piecemeal. If you want to see the whole, you will have to sew me together yourself." No! I don’t need you to help me anymore. But I do. But why do I feel this torment inside? I want to be rid of you, and all your control. I want to be the one to leave. But you never gave me the chance. Buried me beneath hate and lies. I have surfaced now, and I am gone. “ I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”
“My birth takes place more than once.” Over and over I have tried to be everything they wanted, and no longer can I create myself in their image of perfection and serenity. I am borne of hate, insecurity, and beauty beyond any person’s understanding. Only when I accept myself will the past and all of myself combine to be one, and I will be. Yes I will just be. “The accident June 10 "ended my trip but it didn't end my dream," Abby Sunderland said.”
“My leg is always twitching, jumping, joggling. It wants to go places. It has had enough of waiting.” I can’t live what I have created. I am coddled in a cocoon that I harbor myself in. They gave me so much love, and everything I could ever want. I learned to get whatever I desired by giving a look. Reality struck, and what I was living was not real. If I could just jump without a net. I don’t care if I land on my feet. I just want to fly. “ I felt it was time to move on, even though I had no agent, no money, no prospects.There have been many times in my life when I've made a decision to leave someplace, even though it's a risk, it just feels right. It's been a real pattern in my life where I'll get to place and just...go!”
“Her scars lay like living things between us, inscribing themselves in my skin. I thought I too was rent and sewn, that I was both multiply estranged and gathered together in a dynamic union. What divided her, divided me.” I never knew what love was until it was gone. But then it was gone. I could not love it anymore. I could only wish I had adored it in life. What is wrong with me? When she hurt I hurt, but did she know that? I fall down on my knees. Rain is absent, but stil there is precipitation that is endless, and it damages my face. I feel her pain now, and I know she is with me. She is with me. “For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.”
"I had made her, writing deep into the night by candlelight, until the tiny black letters blurred into stitches and I began to feel that I was sewing a great quilt" I write deep into the blurry night, and things begin to overlap in my tired mind. I can’t comprehend what I say on the page, and the red and the blue conform to make a beautiful prose that lyrically is a masterpiece. Could this be the one? Could this be the one that gets me to “go places”? “Your words to me a whisper,Your face is so unclear,I try to pay attention, Your words just disappear”
"Thanks, Mary, for that kindness, however tinge with disgust. Hideous progeny: yes, I was both those things, for you, and more. Lover, friend, collaborator. It is my eyes you describe--with fear, yes, but with fascination: yellow, watery, but speculative eyes" I thought I knew you. I knew though I was wrong. You were everything and then became nothing but still something that I wanted. Confusion sourounds my clouded independent captive mind. I can’t think about it anymore. I want to cut the part of you in me out. I guess my heart must go. “Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love.”
"who, in this world, I shall never see more." Please tell me this isn’t true? You are a liar, and you always wished me harm. So you say you are good, and merciful, but the hate that you allow is alive in the dead. I am aware of what is blind to the ignorant. Stolen away by your creation! Ravaged by evil that you condemn. I loved her. No! I love her. And so many others that I will never see-God have mercy on your soul. But then again…what was your name again? You have three. “Disobey God and he will crush you.”
"I have a crazy wish! I wish that I had cut off a part of me, something Percy would not miss, but something dear to me, and given it to be a part of her. I would live on in her, and she would know me as I know myself. I fear this but crave it. I do not know if she would want it. But I could graft myself to that mighty vine. Who knows what strange new fruit the two of us might bear?" Is it wrong that I want to be joined together with another. I want. I want. So narcissitic? On another level I deserve to be wanted and desired, and loved for no other reason that I am who I am and no other. It consumes me. Why? When? I love me. Will it ever be enough? "A relationship that ends is not a failure or a punishment - it is a lesson. As long as our definition of a successful relationship is one that lasts forever - we are set up to fail. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that will last forever, expecting it to last forever is what is dysfunctional.”
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